Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I cannot find my penis.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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