i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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