I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
