Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
