I would go down on you faster than GM stock
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
