We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
