Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
