I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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