also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
