Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
