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• (850): View more from Florida

  So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ask politely.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Thats good enough.

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Are you high?

  (425): View more from Washington

  The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge

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• (407): View more from Florida

  No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(

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• (850): View more from Florida

  You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.

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• (253): View more from Washington

  My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.

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• (+49): View more from Germany

  i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen

  (+49): View more from Germany

  it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise

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