There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
