Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
