no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
