the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
