he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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