All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
