Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.

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(410): View more from Maryland

She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes

(203): View more from Connecticut

i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally

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(585): View more from New York

My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.

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(787): View more from Puerto Rico

It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.

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(408): View more from California

I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.

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