I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
