I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
