tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
