WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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