If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
