Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
