I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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