Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
