I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
