Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
