we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
