I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
