It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
