I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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