Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
