I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
