i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
my poor anus
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
