i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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