I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
