Sponge bath it is.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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