This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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