'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
