Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
