New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
