Everything about him screamed your future.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Send help, water and tortillas.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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