Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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