your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
