i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
