Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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