Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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