Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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