so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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