Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
